Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you our STARR Core. These are the all STARRs (see what I did there?) of our program, the ones who make all this possible. So, in fitting tribute, all of them are listed with their e-mail address and a short biography.
None of these biographies are, under any circumstances, factual.
Andrew is a die-hard fan of the collected works of Dominick Decocco. Who was Dominick Decocco you ask? He was the assistant to the famed Italian cameraman Antonio Margheriti, of course!
Caleb, a recent convert from the Church of Scientology, wakes up in the middle of the night in screaming fits, mumbling something about L. Ron Hubbard and Xenu and Tom Cruise. We feel bad for the poor guy...
Catie worked as a summer intern with the IMF (of Mission Impossible fame) as a janitor. Insignificant, yes, but hey! its the IMF!
Little is known about this history of this CORE member, but a google search showed me that she's wanted for questioning in Finland... Evidently the Helsinki Police have some outstanding parking tickets to resolve with her.
Hanna Muhlenkamp grew up in River City, Iowa, until her family left town when she was a child. Something about a billiards table, delinquent boys, and T that rhymes with P that stands for pool. Ask Prof. Harold Hill for more information.
An accomplished mechanic, Weiss is distantly related to Thomas Edison's college roommate. Small world.
Bren Does not like Keebler cookies. Absolutely hates them. Our guess: Her next door neighbors were cookie-making elves who lived in a tree and partied like fools every single night.
Gabby holds immense pride in her ability to watch a person write and then guess whether they are left-handed or right-handed. She gets so excited when she guesses it correctly, so none of us say anything to her about it.
Joe mentors up-and-coming supervillians. We're impressed that he is a mentor, but his choice of proteges can be concerning.
Matt Duncan is the Marian University's Secretary of War. We don't have a Department of War, let alone any permutation of an armed force, but the title makes him feel important.
When she's not violently overthrowing unstable third-world governments, Sarah enjoys baking and knitting and watching kitty-cat videos on YouTube.
Some say Stephanie is more a myth than person. Her name inspires fear and awe whenever its mentioned. We think its because she can't parallel park.
One time last summer, I almost went impromptu BASE jumping, but I realized that such a thing would most likely result in severe injuries. This story has nothing to do with Billy, but it was significant to me so I shared it.
Keith is a suave, multilingual entrepreneur who made his fortune in producing and selling rubber gag gifts to the global market. When he's not at STARR, he prefers sunbathing in Naples.
Jeanne Hidalgo enjoys the little things in life. Unless those little things are furry, four-legged, and have a tail. She hates those little things.